Having worked in Higher Education for most of my career, I have a philosophy about the kids who show up at college unable to moderate their alcohol intake. It's one thing, in my opinion, for a college student to party and drink and make some bad choices (they are checking their boundaries in all areas), but it's entirely another for them to drink so much so often that they make future-altering decisions.
I've had to call the ambulance on people because we couldn't wake them up (once on a close friend while in college, actually).
I've had to talk to people standing on the stadium roof's edge, ready to jump.
I've had to decide on a consequence for a student caught doing yucky things at a football game.
I've had to deliver bad news to roommates.
So, though I don't have any research or statistics to back up what I'm about to say, I still believe it with all of my being. If something is touted as being super awesome and yet the participation in said thing is put off/held off/denied until a certain future time, once that thing finally attainable, it will be consumed as much or as frequently as is physically possible. This leads to students having a sort of "finally, no one is here to say I can't, so I'm gonna have, have, have, have." And, if they don't have experience with (or knowledge about) alcohol, they probably don't realize their tolerance is much less than they think it is. Those are the students who end up in serious situations.
The rule in our house has been that kids cannot have gum until they turn 5. We had heard lots of stories of kids getting gum on furniture or in their hair or on their clothes, and we didn't want to risk any of those situations, so we told the boys they couldn't have any gum until they turned 5. We've been saying this for years and we finally had to make good on the promise. It just proves that time actually does move, even though sometimes (especially with small kids in the house) it feels like it never does!
I bought Austin a bunch of gum for his birthday which he opened and was barely excited about it because I don't think he knew what it was or really realized the meaning behind it. Even though he had been talking about the fact that he would soon be able to chew gum, when he opened it, he was like "meh." I was excited! I assumed he'd chew some and it would be non-deal for him. AND THEN.
The next day, first thing, before breakfast (!), he was asking for some gum. I said he had to eat first and then immediately after finishing (which wasn't much because he was so excited to get some gum) he asked again. (This was just the beginning, but I didn't know it at the time and just chuckled at his insistence.) He asked before lunch. He asked the next hour. He asked if he could have some at dinner. He asked for some after dinner. He asked constantly. Seth made the mistake of saying Austin could have some when "Momma has some," (it was a way of putting him off--a poor one) and now any time I have gum, Austin thinks he's allowed to have some as well (Seth had meant it just for that one day). I rarely have gum, but in the weeks since he heard that, anytime I even look at gum, he thinks he's going to get some and loses control! There has been tears and wailing and gnashing of teeth.
He would chew a piece and spit it out to be replaced every 5 minutes all day long if I would let him. He would stuff his cheeks to the brim if we would let him. He would partake in gum way more than is healthy if we would let him. I think that this INTENSE desire for the gum is partially our own fault. I think it's because we had unintentionally built up how big of a deal gum was and yet held it out as awesome and special and something he couldn't have. If he had been having gum for years, I don't think we would have ever experienced such a strong onset of gum desire.
The same is true, I think, when kids aren't exposed to alcohol until college. Now, I'm not advocating for drinking underage. The WI alcohol rules are fairly notoriously lax, and so I have been consuming alcohol at special occasions since I was in my early teens. My parents would take me to a local supper club and I would get a grasshopper after dinner. I knew people who drank in high school. My parents and family and friends drank. I was surrounded by it my whole life. I saw people consume too much and knew how awful they felt/the pain it could cause, and so when I was able to drink legally, I did so with some caution. I hadn't been formally sat down to discuss alcohol, but my life experience had been my education. Sure, I have had my nights of poor decision-making, but those weren't call-911-serious.
Austin's begging for gum has faded over the last few weeks and I'm sure it will only continue to do so as the years go on, and because he's still here under our roof and his gum intake is being monitored (it's in a place he can't get, so he can't just consume whenever he wants but has to ask for it), I'm not worried about him going wheels-off with it. This is unlike when kids go off to college and can access as much alcohol as often as they want because they no longer have their parents/family around.
Sure, the college kids eventually fade in their desire or they learn the hard way or they realize alcohol has negatives to go along with all the perceived benefits. When something is withheld from you, you have this major sense of missing out and go a bit overboard when you're no longer missing out. I just hope that the college kids come to their sense and learn healthy boundaries with alcohol before they have a serious future-altering situation occur. I think that if we had conversations about alcohol like we have The Talk and like we do about driving and bike-riding and college applications and all big-life-things, kids wouldn't get to college with no parental guidance (such as Austin currently has with his gum usage) and get into situations that are bigger than they can handle.
I'm not saying that if your family doesn't drink alcohol, your kids are sure to be wheels-off and in danger when they get to college. But I am saying, that if your kids are not surrounded by situations where people drink socially and maintain good decision-making skills (or even if they are!), that you might want to sit down with them and explain alcohol to them. The reasons people partake (it's yummy, it's a social thing, it can be fun), but also the negatives (having too much literally poisons your body, it can become addicting, don't drive when drinking). Go over the pros and cons with them. Expose them to it, even if they aren't actually consuming it.
If you want more information about talking to your kids about alcohol, one of my favorite bloggers has posted
several posts about the #TalkEarly campaign that
Responsibility.org is doing. Responsibility.org has tons of good resources for parents/families/people to help you get the conversation going and has lots of good statistics which is more than I can say for my post. But, if having a conversation with your kid now prevents a serious, future-altering decision later, then do it! Especially since you can control their consumption and (partially) their choices now. Because you won't always be around to guide them and help with these types of decisions.
