Christmas letter 2009

Dear Friends and Family

Wow, what a year! We know that’s probably a common way to start the annual “Christmas Letter,” but it’s really true for us, we promise! As those of you who received our 2008 Christmas letter know, the last couple years have been in pretty stark contrast with one another. Our 2007 letter was all about our graduations and promotions and marriage and house buying—all very positive things and we were feeling extremely blessed. When we sent our 2008 letters, though, we were in the midst of moving to Texas; we had lost jobs, were selling our house, Sena was job searching, and the immediate future was really uncertain. Life has continued to be a bit unpredictable, but God is in all things, and we have faith that our married life journey has been and will continue to be at His hand and nothing else.

After moving to Texas on Christmas Eve 2008, we lived with Seth’s parents for four months. Living with Kim and David was really quite fun. It was almost like being in college again—there was almost always someone home to hang out with and dinners were ‘fuller.’ Sena grew particularly attached to their cat, Tilly, and almost took her home when we moved out. But, reason won out, and her allergies convinced her that it was a bad idea.

We were house hunting all over DFW almost every weekend, and it took 4 months and one bailed attempt at a house before we finally settled on our current house in Northwest Dallas which is about 15 minutes from Seth’s work. It’s less than 100 yards from a park which is something Sena had really hoped for and has some of the fun, 50s charm that Seth likes so well. It wasn’t exactly move-in ready like our last house, but we’ve spent the last 7 months updating, remodeling, and making it our own, and we’re proud to call it home.

Seth has been with Michaels Arts & Crafts for over a year now and is pleased with his role there. Sena is glad to have him home more--he’s traveling less with this position, and Seth enjoys working to make Michaels a favorite place to shop. Oh, and they are both happy to have the employee discount as it has been one of Sena’s favorite stores for years! Sena searched for a job for 4 months, and after tons of submitted resumes, and several interviews, she landed a job at El Centro Community College in downtown Dallas. Over the past 7 months, she has coordinated a grant-funded program helping under-served high school graduates as well as serving as Adjunct Faculty. She teaches what they call Human Development 1310, but it would more accurately described as Ways to Be a Mature Adult 100 and Sena loves it! Starting in January 2010, though, she’ll be making a switch to sole Adjunct Faculty status which will mean fewer hours on campus, and getting to do exclusively the piece of her job that she loves to do.

In March 2009, the immediate Spofford family (David/Kim, Seth/Sena, and Spencer/Cheryl and three kids) travelled to San Antonio together for a long weekend. It was a great time! Sena was most excited about Sea World as she’d never been to one before, and Seth always enjoys the opportunity to get out of town, and this was with his entire immediate family! One of the most exciting things of 2009 for us, though, has definitely been our 9-day trip to Ireland. We flew through Atlanta which allowed us a wonderful dinner with friends we hadn’t seen in quite some time--it was the perfect way to start our trip. The vacation was amazing in and of itself too—Seth enjoyed seeing all of Sena’s old stomping grounds as well as getting to explore new places together. Both vacations were a blast!

In the midst of all of this, we have found a great new church in Irving near Seth’s work. We are involved in a young marrieds class called Crossroads and have connected with old and new friends there. This, combined with nearby family, as well as getting involved in our new neighborhood (Sena recently planned their community’s Fall Festival) has kept us busy and helped us to connect socially in our new place. Life is pretty much back to ‘normal.’

The most recent update to the Seth & Sena household is the addition of our Labradoodle puppy, Georgia Mae. She was born September 15, 2009, and we brought her home the day before Thanksgiving. She’s a spunky, yet sweet cuddle muffin that melts the hearts of everyone who meets her. We named her Georgia because even though we’re enjoying our new life in Texas, we will always miss the state where we were engaged, married, and were first-time home owners. And this way, we can keep Georgia on our minds and in our hearts for years to come.

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Words for Me (or for Others)?

I heard this song on my way home from work yesterday. The words reminded me of so many. So many friends who are going through hard times right now. Lay offs/unemployment, selling houses, hostile work environments, missing family, living with friends/family, and the list goes on and on. I started crying at the rush of thoughts. I cried harder and harder as the song went on. Just thinking of one friend after another about whom I thought: "They need to hear this song!" Friends who need to know that God is with them and stronger than anything they're going through. And who need to know that I'm here to help whenever they need it.

And just as I was nearing my last turn, and the last verse, it hit me. "I know cause I've been there." While I had been thinking about sending it to friends who I thought needed to hear it, they would probably have thought the same thing about me if they'd heard the song a year ago. And the floodgates were so open now, that I had a hard time finding my driveway. If anyone could have used this song in the past 12+ months, people know it was S&S Spofford. And that humbled me. Here I was feeling others' pain and wanting to comfort them. And they had been comforting me only a short time ago. How ironic it felt to be the giver when so recently I could do nothing but receive.

So, I post this with the grace and humility and peace and thankful heart that one has knowing what they've been through in the last year. Some people are still in that 'year.' And for those people, I have one thing to say "This one's for you."

link to a video of them singing it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8UpaifPbqI

lyrics:
The Words I Would Say

Three in the morning, and I’m still awake
So I picked up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I’d say
If we were face to face

I’d tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths

CHORUS
Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

Last time we spoke you said you were hurting
And I felt your pain in my heart
I want to tell you that I keep on praying
That love will find you where you are

I know cause I’ve already been there
So please hear these simple truths

CHORUS

Say… from one simple life to another
I will say… come find peace in the Father

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here

Take your time and pray
And thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say

There's Been a Change in "Fall"

So, I think I have a new favorite season. Fall. I never used to like fall, though. Actually, I probably dreaded it the way you dread going to the dentist when you know you have a cavity. The expectation of what will soon occur might even turn your stomach. That's how I always felt about fall.

But now, I LOVE fall. I wait all summer for fall to get here. I count down the days until I can put up the fall wreath that I love so much. I wait anxiously to go buy my Thanksgiving centerpiece and start planning the table tags I'll make. I start burning pumpkin spice candles way before you probably should, but I just can't help myself. I daydream about corn mazes and hayrides and pumpkin patches. (Which makes me giggle right now thinking about the pumpkin Seth bought me for our step last year--the one that was about 2 inches high. He thought he was SO funny. And he was right.) And then I remember him taking me to the patch and getting to pick out our real pumpkin. I remember the corn maze trips with friends which always seemed to turn out fabulous pictures. And the restaurant we eat at beforehand that has the greasy, yummy, southern food. I remember the Thanksgivings spent with friends across our 'friend spectrum.' I remember watching football while laying in the sun that poured onto our couch through the window in the old house. I miss the GT games. And the GT tailgating parties. I miss hearing the whistle of intramural football on the SAC fields. I think about HAC retreats and miss working like that with students. Especially GT students.

Don't get me wrong, I like summer. I like our neighborhood pool. I like the smell of fresh-cut grass. I like the highlights my hair gets after being in the sun. But, none of these things seems to measure up to my fall loves.

I guess this is the difference between living in the north and living in the south, right!? I mean, here, summer is the season that's a little challenging to deal with, and up there, winter is the challenging season. As the attached picture can attest, it is COLD where I'm from. I 'borrowed' this picture from a friend of mine who posted it on his Facebook page. (Thanks, Scott!)

But then, this year, I find myself feeling a little sad about fall. I don't know any corn mazes around here. I don't know where the pumpkin patches are. I want some yummy, small-southern-town food and don't know where to get some. I want to cram as many of us in a car as possible to make the drive. I want the three engineers to put their heads together to help us figure out how to get out of the maze. I want to go to a haunted barn and hold the hands of my friends so hard that we leave imprints on each other. I want to take silly pictures in front of the corn and know that we'll all look great because we always do. I want to lay on my couch in the sun. I want to go on a HAC retreat. But, sadly, all these people are 800 miles away. There will be no engineers in the corn maze, no AM/M hay ride photo, no corn posing, no haunted barn while squeezing each others hands, no Thanksgivings with a random group of great friends, and no GT anything.

I guess I'll have to rely on my pumpkin spice candles, wreath, and my centerpiece to get me through this year. (Yes, I already bought my Thanksgiving centerpiece.) They'll have to get me through until I find new things about fall in Dallas that I enjoy. That's the hardest part about moving from a place you love. You have to find new things that you enjoy, and it seems like nothing can ever compare to your first love.

"Oh, Atlanta, I hear you calling, I'm coming back to you one fine day." Well, at least I hope so.

The temperature at a bank in my hometown in the middle of a WI winter. That's not with windchill, that's the real temperature.

We've Found the Missing Shirts?

I think I've found the culprit of our missing shirts...

So, if you've read my last note, you know that things have been disappearing around the Spofford house. Most recently it was about 5 of Seth's shirts. We couldn't find them anywhere. I went back to the cleaners and looked through the entire moving rack of clothes for shirts that looked like his. Seth went to the cleaners and looked through the whole rack as well. No shirts. We looked in every closet in our house. No shirts. We've been spring cleaning now for about a week (yes, I realize it's late summer, but the workers are finally done with the house, so we can get to cleaning). No shirts. I mean, we thought we were going crazy and then AM looked and couldn't find them either. I kept saying to Seth "I just cannot imagine that we've lost them in our house, maybe we should check the cleaners a fourth time."

Last week I took a sick day (a wise person told me that mental health was still health) and ran errands. I changed our phone numbers (you probably received an email update from us, but let me know if you didn't and need our new numbers). I bought new house numbers from Restoration Hardware (yay!). I got a mini load of groceries. I dropped off 5 or so shirts at the cleaners.

I went last night to drop off a load of shirts and pick up the ones from last week. She spins through the rack to the S section. No 'Spofford.' She gets out her notebook (yes, spiral bound notebook!) and finds where I've dropped them off last Thursday. There's a line crossed through them which is supposed to indicate to her that I've picked them up. I tell her I know for a 100% fact that I did not get them and that this is the second time I have suspicion she's lost our shirts. A guy comes in to get his order. He sees her spinning through the whole rack, looking for a misplaced 'Spofford' order, and turns to me and says "Have you had problems here before?" I say that I have suspicion she lost other shirts but couldn't prove it. He then tells me he's stopped using her because of so many problems. --He's gone home with shirts in his bundle that weren't his, she's lost shirts of his, etc. He says he only used her this time because it was a rush order. I keep my mouth from dropping open.She stops spinning the rack because she's finally made it the whole way through. She tells me to check at home again, and then acts like she's going to take the shirts I brought to drop off. I'm like "NO. No. no. I am NOT leaving shirts with you when I have reason to believe you've lost like 10 of our shirts! AND, we will NOT be coming back here." I put the shirts back in my basket and walk out the door.

I asked Seth, he says he didn't get them. I looked around and there is no bundle of home-from-the-cleaners shirts anywhere. So, between his ripping his sleeves in half, and this lady losing his shirts, he literally has like 5 shirts left!!! He took them to work today to try to take them somewhere on his lunch break and then can get them on his lunch break on Monday. He goes out of town again Tuesday am, so he has to have his full load of shirts clean for that. (Especially if he only has 5 now!) ARGH! I am so frustrated.

I'm more frustrated with myself, though, than the lady. See, the first time I went to this new cleaners (because we had moved into our new house), I felt uncomfortable. --I shouldn't have gone back. See, there's no computer system, she writes your name down on the slip (and doesn't always spell it correctly or seem to understand it correctly). She interacted with me strangely, and I was in a hurry to leave. I normally listen to this gut feeling of mine, but was too embarrassed to ask for the shirts back, so I left them. When I went the next day to get them, I pulled out my slip (you know, the piece they send home with you?) and she wouldn't even look at it. She explained that it's not good for anything because it means nothing to her "system." She asked for my last name and spun the rack to that section. I left with the shirts and an extremely uncomfortable feeling. I cannot name what made me feel that way, I just felt weird.

I told Seth that we needed to find a new place because I wasn't going back. Well, the only other place we've seen charges twice as much, so in our lack of having enough time to find another place, we went back. I went back the second time and my uncomfortableness was enhanced, and I told Seth that he would have to deal with his shirts until we find a new place. Well, that worked at first, but he works much longer hours than I do, so his doing this small task makes our time together at night more rushed, and so I took back the responsibility from him. And now I feel uncomfortable on a weekly basis AND we're 'down' like 10 shirts!?

I still feel uncomfortable every time I'm there. She weirds me out and I can't explain that. She's lost our shirts, and I can't explain that either. I stopped keeping the slips because they're useless as far as being tied to our order, and we've been so busy that I can't remember the details of the drop off--like how many shirts exactly, which shirts were dropped off, etc. All I know is that we're sorely lacking in shirts and I have no way to prove that she lost them!

So, I know that some of you are probably thinking "how can you possibly be THAT busy that you don't have time to find a new cleaners?!" People who know us really well know that it's possible, but for everyone else, I'll give you a little glimpse into what our live has been like:
-electricians for several days
-car in the shop because of an accident
-plumber for a couple days
-all-day family event
-register cars
-two carpenters for a couple days each
-friend in town
-order carpet
-order blinds, and take down old blinds to prepare for painters
-cut grass
-buy glasses (cups for the kitchen because we didn't have any--we left them in ATL)
-take down anything attached to the walls in prep for the painters
-painters for 4 days
-car in the shop for flat tire
-all-day family event
-friends in town
-change our phone numbers
-hang new blinds
-buy new house numbers
-spring clean the house because the workers are finally done and they've left a mess
-paint mailbox because it no longer matches the house
-have the DFD over to install smoke detectors and inspect the house
-much, much more!
I mean, we have had to squeeze in simple things like haircuts, laundry and groceries--and haven't been doing a very good job at that which has made this new diet regime of mine pretty hard at times!

It's truly been a whirlwind, and we're REALLY excited about this weekend because we should finally be done with the spring cleaning, and the other small tasks around the house. It'll seem like a vacation to only have to do routine house things like the grass and laundry. --The things people mean when the say "oh, the joy of homeownership" to us. I want to scream when I hear that. We have owned a house before, it's the fixer-upper-ness we aren't used to and are really ready to be done with. Well, for a little while... til we can afford to remodel the kitchen. :-)

We'll keep you updated on our new vacation life!

Lost and Found & Something Strange

There's something going on in our house... something strange. Seth had lost his SSC last week and he searched high and low for it. I mean, briefcase was emptied, every suitcase dug in, safe contents tore apart, our filing cabinet rifled through, misc.-yet-to-be-sorted papers from the house closing, and every other stack of papers he could find was torn apart. I looked for like 2 minutes and found it right where it was supposed to be. In our safe in his important documents envelope.

I have been looking since then for my SSC and my passport. Couldn't find them. Anywhere. Emailed Seth's mom thinking I left it at their house. Searched again in vain last night, and then Seth found them right where they were supposed to be. In the safe. In my envelope of important stuff. ugh.

How we both seemed unable to find the things belonging to us boggles my mind. The fact that they were both where they belonged is great. (After all this moving I thought we'd lost track of the two most important documents a person can have.) But, apparently we can't find anything of extreme importance that belongs to us individually.

Also, I was worried sick about my documentation because we're selecting our Ireland flights, and thought "Well, I don't want to have to get a new passport" and was desperate to find it. I was worried sick about my passport. Seriously, worried sick. BUT, then after Seth found it last night, he says "You know you need a new one anyways, right!?" Oh yeah... New name=new passport. Duh. (slap the forehead moment) Anyways...

The last strange thing is that we can't find some of Seth's shirts. I mean, he knows he's missing like 4 or 5 (based on how many shirts he knows he owns and the fact that there are shirts he remembers and that we currently can't find). They aren't at the cleaners. Not in any closet in the house. Not my car, not his car, not the Miata. I then emailed his mom to see if they ended up at their house or in one of their vehicles (and somehow we'd forgotten about them for three months!?). I'm laughing as I'm writing that because that seems crazy, but we've both searched everywhere, and can't find them.

Oh, and he's down another shirt as of yesterday and said he has two ready to 'go.' (You see, he rips a sleeve in a shirt at least once a month. It had been about 2 a week for a while, there.) I don't know what it is about DFW and his shirts. This never happened in the previous 4.5 years that I've known him! And, even though we were both standing at his closet this morning (and then mine), flipping through every piece of clothing on a hanger in there, I bet we go home tonight, and they're hanging right where they should be, in his shirt section.

So... Something strange is definitely happening in the Spofford household. Perhaps it's the extended inability to fully unpack (you see, the painters come next week which is the finale of house projects. Well, at least this round of house projects... more to come. MANY more to come. but those are post-fully-unpackedness). Maybe it's the fact that Seth's work travel schedule, my work travel schedule, his Muckrakers final concert attendance, our vacationing, my plethora of Dr. appointments, his birthday weekend, and our other family obligations has made it so that we haven't had a week capped by two weekends where we're both home and have the time to get ourselves organized. Or maybe it's that exactly 12 months prior to moving into this house, we were moving in our last house. Only to move out 6 months later. Or maybe it's that almost everything we owned was in storage from December to April. Who knows!?

One thing is for sure... I'm ready to find those shirts!

Medical News #3

Well... It's been several months since my last medical news update, but there's been lots of happenings in those months. Where to begin, where to begin...

So, in my last posting, I told everyone about how the meeting with the Endo. didn't go well, and that I was seeking other options. Well, after praying about it for a really long time, and asking advice of those closest to me, I came up with the correct-for-me solution. See an NMD. An NMD is a Naturopathic Medical Doctor. They have a medical degree, and focus on the natural, the whole person. This is exactly what I wanted. I had actually been wanting to be under the care of an NMD for several years, but this latest health 'crisis' had made the cost (as they are not able to bill insurance because America's health system doesn't recognize their worth--cuz they focus on preventative care, and not just putting band aids on symptoms. anyways...) worth it.

I did some researching, and found a local person who fit all the things I was looking for. I went for my first appointment about 4 weeks ago. I was thrilled to be going, and she was pretty much everything I was hoping for. Your first appointment is an hour long. An hour! I spent most of the time rambling on about all the symptoms I had and what the previous Dr.s had told me, etc. (I think I was so excited to have someone actually listening to my story that I talked rather fast.) She did some routine medical tests, and then we discussed a plan. She definitely wanted to follow up on my gluten and soy hunches, and she also thought that cortisol was probably playing a role. She sent me home with at-home tests--one for food sensitivity and an adrenal stress index.

(I'll tell you more about the tests if you really want to know, but essentially you do them at home and mail them in to the company and they send the results to your Dr.)

I went back last Friday, and the results were somewhat surprising to her and to me. First of all, the adrenal stress index was very revealing. It showed that my cortisol levels were CRAZY. They're super low during the day, and really high at night. This is the exact opposite of how they are supposed to be. She said "I don't know how you get out of bed in the morning" and "How well are you sleeping?" When I told her that I actually had been sleeping extremely poorly (which is abnormal for me), she was like, "well, yeah." (This would explain the extreme low energy and my newly acquired inability to stay asleep.) So, that's one priority on our list.

Next, the glucose/insulin/diabetes-related results were very normal, and she had expected them to be bad. If someone gains a significant amount of weight (for whatever reason--medial issue, medication, laziness, whatever), this is usually affected, I guess, but she was pleased that it wasn't much of a concern in my case. I was and am praising God for that because it's literally my worst fear.

The food panel. This was the test that I was most looking forward to getting the results from. It showed several interesting things, and only one was a really big surprise--soy came back as really low on the reactive scale. So... The results are like little bar graphs going horizontally, each food ranging on the scale from a 0 to a 6 (no reaction to extremely high). Of the probably 100 foods it tested me for, more than half cause more than mild reactions, with 11 standing out as most reactive. These foods are: asparagus, banana, cow's milk, kidney beans, oat, pecan, pork, spelt, wheat, whey, and whole wheat.

Dr. Wilson explained that in her opinion, this means that it isn't those foods per se that are causing the problem (given the fact that I'm reacting poorly to SO many, and that they aren't all really related to each other), but my stomach's inability to process hard-to-process food. Since she knows my whole story (from the first visit) she said "you've been under relatively high levels of stress for 10 years--7 years of college, moving states, getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, quitting your job, husband gets laid off, new job, selling house, moving states again, living with in-laws, buying a new house, new job, etc." I thought "well, when you string it all together like that I wonder myself how I've survived!" So, she thinks that my stomach is 'sick.' She thinks that the cortisol is messed up because of all the stress, and it has caused my stomach problems and thyroid problems, etc. Everything's connected.

Like, it just needs time to heal itself which it isn't allowed to do when I eat foods that make it unhappy. And that lately, the unhappy stomach has been affecting everything else--the headaches, sore muscles, etc. That it's been 'at capacity' and I need to give it a break. So, I have to give up those foods and take supplements for the next "4-6 months." I've decided to try to be good about it for the rest of 2009. Then, after that time has passed, we'll re-test, and her guess is that most of those foods won't be reactive anymore. If there is a food that is still reactive at that point, we'll know that I am just sensitive to that food because my stomach should be healed by then, and I will then avoid that food knowing that I'm sensitive to it.

That should bring about the healing of all the other things by then too. That is, if I heal my stomach so it can process foods well, and absorb nutrients like I'm supposed to be able to, then my cortisol can straighten itself as well as the thyroid, etc. She says I should lose weight too because the foods I'll be eating are ones that I can properly process which was a part of the weight gain. She also said that hypothyroidism and weight gain are like the chicken and the egg and can work in reverse. --Lose weight and it'll work normally again. I'm taking all sorts of supplements now--ranging from a high potency multivitamin to one to get the cortisol to shape up.

So, a new diet and the addition of supplements... This is much better than the diagnosis of having to take a synthetic hormone every day for the rest of my life. Since there isn't a genetic cause for the hypothyroidism, she's told me that come January, I can probably get off Synthroid. But, that all depends on the results of the re-test. Also based on the re-test results in January, I can probably start eating all foods again. But, that's only if they turn up as non-reactive next time, which Dr. Wilson thinks they will.

Pray for me as I approach this lifestyle change with open arms. Pray that the Holy Spirit will remind me that this is only a temporary inconvenience which will hopefully create permanent health. Pray for strength as I avoid some of my favorite foods. (I AM a Wisconsinite, after all, and I have to give up cow's milk!) Pray for yummy recipes of things I can eat and pray for understanding in those around me that may be affected by this change I've made. I know He lead me to this Dr., and I know He's in control of the situation. I ask only that I can keep listening and responding.

Thank you for your past and future prayers. It's been a long journey, but I can feel good health just at the end of my fingertips. :-)

I Crashed My "Baby!"

Ok, so this really sucks...

I was driving home from work the other day, and got into an accident on 35. I am ok physically, but I'm still recovering emotionally. "It wasn't my fault." "It wasn't my fault." "There's nothing I could have done differently." "There's no way I could have known." ... I keep telling myself, hoping it'll 'stick.' ...

So, there's this dump truck in the second-from-left lane going like 40mph. Right behind it is a little brown pick-up truck. It was a small truck, like a Ford Ranger, but not a Ford. I figure there's something going on with the dump truck (a reason why it's going SO slow in the middle of a major highway), and that the pick-up truck is with it. Like, when wide loads have a truck behind them as a buffer or something.. You know? They're like, together, both going slow. Anyways...

I'm in the left lane, going 60 or so, whatever the speed limit is there. As I go to pass the mini truck and dump truck, the mini truck pulls over in front of me. I mean, like, a foot in front of me. No blinker. No hand signaling. Nothing. Just woosh! and it's over in front of me going SIGNIFICANTLY slower than I am. I honk (those that have ridden with me before know I honked!) and slam on the brakes. I was on the brake for about a half a second or less before I went slamming into the back of him. And I mean HARD.

(Let me be clear: I was not passing him in the sense that I was switching lanes and going around him. I was in my lane going the speed limit. He was in his, not going the speed limit.)

I also believe that, then, the car behind me hit me.

I hit him while I'm still honking, and nothing happens. I mean, he doesn't even pause, he just takes off! I am sitting kinda on the shoulder, but mostly in the lane of traffic (because the shoulder is like 1.5 feet right there). Then the car behind me goes around and keeps right on going too!

I'm so shocked that 1. he cut me off like that, 2. that he took off, and 3. that I've actually been in an accident on 35, that I freak out and call 9-1-1. --All the while I'm watching in my rear view mirror as cars coming around the bend swerve around me because I'm blocking their lane. The operator asks if I'm ok and if my vehicle is drivable. I say that I feel fine, but that my car must not be drivable because I can't go forward. Then something (I'm not sure what) prompts me to look down at the shifter. I'm in neutral! I hit him so hard that everything is everywhere, I'm in neutral, and he takes off!? I tell the operator that I can make it to the next exit.

It takes me forever (because it's high traffic time) to cross all those lanes of traffic and make it to the next exit. The 9-1-1 operator was amazing because I certainly was a complete mess. I pull off and park in a convenience store parking lot and she tells me that someone will be on the way to talk with me. --After I asked if I even needed to talk to someone since nobody else stayed around. She repeated she was sending someone.

I call Seth. Hysterical. All I can think is that I totaled my car, and this is seriously not in our budget right now. And that he'll somehow think it's my fault or think I'm a bad driver or that other people will. He bails on a meeting he was about to go into, and drives to me. My hero!

The cop arrives, and he's GREAT. I mean really, he's amazing. I couldn't have asked for someone better. I'm still sobbing at this point, and he's patient as I spit out the story between breaths and tears. After hearing my full story, he looks at the damage and says "Huh. So, totally his fault, huh." And I then muttered something about it being partially my fault if I hit him. (I had heard that.) He says "Well, he didn't leave you much choice, did he?"

Mr. Cop asks for my license (still GA because my picture is like the best license picture EVER). He doesn't flinch. He asks if there's a more local address for me, and I give him our house address. He also said NOTHING about my expired GA license plate. Nothing. I mean, surely that should have been a ticket on my part. (Though, for the record, it has had a TX inspection, I just haven't made it to the plate office.) After doing whatever they do while the sit in their car for awhile, he comes back and hands me my insurance and license. He asks if I was wearing my seat belt, and talks me through the 'charges:' the guy made something like an "illegal lane deviation" --basically cutting me off without using a blinker, and therefore causing me to run into him, and then he didn't stay, which is a "leaving the scene of an accident." (side note: the cop said he might not have had a license and probably didn't have insurance, which is likely why he took off)

So, this unknown man has two tickets waiting for him. (I say unknown because I didn't get his plate number. I don't even remember there being one. I remembered everything about the truck and the driver, but without the plate, that's not enough to find someone. Boo.) It's essentially being filed as a uninsured motorist, hit and run something or other.

Seth arrives, gives me a big hug, and has a chat with the cop. He says he's so glad to see I'm not hurt, but that he had expected me to be given how hard I was crying when I called. (I apparently needed a good catalyst for some cathartic-ness, and this served that purpose.) He tells me there's nothing I could have done, and not to worry about it or the car. He sends me home and he heads back to work to get his things (which he had left there since he left in such a hurry).

I took my car in yesterday to get it checked out, and there is ZERO engine damage. Praise God! The body damage is fairly minor given how hard I believe I hit him, but will only run us about $1500. (All I can say is "Built Ford Tough.") I seriously thought I'd totaled my car.

Looking at the pictures now, I can't believe I thought that given how little the damage is, but thank God I didn't! We're still trying to decide if we want to file with our insurance (switching from GA to TX makes everything go up so significantly already that anything to make it worse is even more undesirable.)

And I am feeling better, but still hating the fact that I injured my car. I love my car. It hurts me to think about/look at the damage. But, the more driving I have done since then, the more I re-imagine the situation and there's no doubt that I couldn't have done anything differently. But still, my back and wrists are feeling back to normal, and I'm still working on my head.

LESSON: Don't assume they'll stay. Always get as much of the plate number as you can.

I took several shots, but this best shows the bent hood along with the other damage.

Updated Medical News (#2)

Ok, so if you read my last note, you know that I was waiting on test results to tell me if my enlarged and poorly functioning thyroid was due to a genetic condition. Well, I went last Friday afternoon, and am very frustrated with what she had to say. (I had been really excitedly anticipating the appointment because I thought it would give me a feeling of resolution.) Instead of feeling like I have a piece of a resolution, or some sort of plan of action, I'm left with nothing.

First of all, the test results showed that my TSH was down to 4something now. That's good, because it's not ever supposed to be higher than 4 (the range is .4 to 4, and they want you to be like a 2), and I had started out this process at almost 8 (which is why I noticed all the typical hypothyroid symptoms--extreme sensitivity to cold, unexplained weight gain--like 20+ lbs, super fragile nails when mine had always been really strong, fatigue--like sleeping 12 hours a night and having no desire to do anything active, etc.) The fact that after one month of the Armour medication I had come down to 5something, and then another month had brought me down to 4something was good news. But, she said, not good enough. She switched me to Synthroid, and a higher dosage. (I have also noticed stronger nails and weight loss, in the last three weeks or so, but still suffer from fatigue.) She suggested that this one would be less irritating to my stomach and should kick my thyroid into gear enough to bring the TSH down to where they want it. So, that's good news. Kinda.

The other test result that was positive, er, negative, was no to diabetes. (Diabetes and hypothyroidism have some similar symptoms so she tested to make sure that wasn't a problem.) Thank God. Literally. Praise God that I don't have diabetes.

The third test result was testing my antibodies to see if I had the genetic Thyroid condition. It's called Hashimoto's disease for the hypothyroid end of the spectrum (and Grave's disease for the hyperthyroidism end). Well, they were negative. That seems like good news, right? I don't have the genetic disease causing my thyroid to enlarge, have nodules and stop working. HOWEVER, when I then asked her about other explanations she said "If it's not genetic, there's no way to determine what's causing your thyroid to under perform." I then asked if it could be related to a food allergy of some kind. (I had recently done tons of research about food allergies/intolerances/sensitivities/etc and had found lots of research tying them together.) I told her that I had found research to suggest that it could be a B12 deficiency or Iodine deficiency or something like a gluten intolerance. She looked me dead in the eye and said "you are not iodine deficient and if it's not the genetic disease, there's no way for anyone to tell what's causing it. You'll just need to take this pill every day for the rest of your life to make it function the way it's supposed to."

I wanted to scream! So, she basically told me that there's something pretty seriously wrong with me (if left unfixed, hypothyroidism can cause pretty serious problems), but that we don't know and will never know why it's gone wrong. I wanted to tell her that I thought she was full of **it, but I refrained. I was still in a lot of pain from another procedure I had done that morning (not material for public postings), so just wanted to go home.

The rest of the afternoon and weekend (and still am a little bit) I was furious. How can the medical profession (sorry Mitra and Sarah) only be concerned with fixing my symptoms? SOMETHING is causing my thyroid to not work correctly. I have flip-flopped between just being glad that I'm feeling better and thinking that taking a pill every morning isn't much of a price to pay for having strong nails again, etc. to just wanting to know why it isn't working right. If I fix the cause, I might not have to take the pill every day for the rest of my life. For example, if I have a gluten intolerance, my body could be so busy fighting the gluten I'm consuming that it can't keep up with getting my thyroid to work normally. Does that make sense? A food intolerance like that would also explain why I seem to feel just 'not well' more than normal people. I have headaches and weird muscle aches more than other people. It would also explain why I get sick more often and that when I do get sick it's often pretty bad. (I don't think I've ever had one of those colds where people have a drippy nose and can still function perfectly fine.) The theory is then, that if you eliminate whatever you are allergic to/have an intolerance to, your body will overall function better because it can stop fighting off that substance (like soy, corn, gluten, etc), and focus on fighting viruses and making itself function properly (i.e. my thyroid).

What surprised me is that Seth was even more mad than I was. He was such the protective husband! I had (and still have) a lot of restrictions based on the other procedure from Friday morning, so he was doing a great job of baby-ing me all weekend. And given the chance, he'd get on a soapbox about dr.s only wanting to fix the symptoms and not the cause and how he doesn't want me to give any more money to someone who wouldn't listen to me (I'm supposed to go back again in like a month for follow-up blood work and then another follow-up appointment to see if the TSH is continuing to respond positively--meaning going down.)

I'm thankful to have met someone here in Dallas who has recently gone through a similar enough experience that she's given me tons of research and her Dr.'s name, etc. (Thanks Lisa!) I appreciate everyone's thoughts/suggestions and prayers and general positive vibes. I promise to keep everyone informed of how the rest of the process plays out.

My Recent Medical news (#1)

Ok, so lots of people have been really supportive of me lately, and I haven't even been fully honest with everyone about all the medical stuff I've had going on. I wanted to write this note so that people would know as much as I know in hopes that prayers can be directed to the current issue at hand.

In mid-February, I went to the doctor for my regular physical. During the exam, she noticed that my thyroid was enlarged and had a nodule (aka bump) on it. (You can't see it if you just look at my neck, but I can feel its enlarged state as well as the nodule by pressing on my neck.) She ordered some more blood tests, and the results weren't good. My TSH (Thyroid Stimulation Hormone) was really high. The TSH range is something like .40 to 4.0. They ideally like you to be around 2. Mine was almost 8, so over double the high end of the range.

(A little background for those who don't know...: The TSH is produced by the pituitary gland to tell the thyroid how much of each different hormone to produce. So, my thyroid was essentially requiring twice as much as it should in order to produce 'normal' hormone levels.)

They immediately put me on a synthetic hormone pill every day in hopes of lowering my TSH level. They also ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid to get a better picture of its enlargement and the nodule.

The ultrasound didn't reveal much more than they already knew--that it was enlarged and had a nodule. The nodule was measured to be 1.3 cm. They only get 'concerned' about nodules over 1cm, so I was just over the cut-off. They referred me to a specialist--ENT.

I met with the ENT and he, after feeling my neck, recommended a CT Scan of both my head and neck (to also be able to see the pituitary). The CT Scan came back 'normal' according to the ENT, and so he recommended that I see an Endocrinologist (hormone specialist) because it hadn't reduced in size and the TSH only dropped to 5.something after being on the synthetic hormone for over a month. He compared my thyroid to a factory that isn't producing as much product as it needs to--sometimes the factory has to increase in size in order to get the higher level of output.

(It's important to note that up until the 'normal' CT Scan, the word "cancer" had been thrown around, so that's why I didn't really talk to people about it or tell the whole truth when I did talk about it. --I didn't want to put out any information that might end up not being true. I'm sorry if anyone feels like I've 'lied by omission.')

So, last week I met with the Endocrinologist, and after talking with her (she was the first Dr. to fully listen to the laundry list of 'symptoms' (aka weird things that have been going on with me lately)), she did another ultrasound (found several nodules), and ordered more blood work.

I had done some research about thyroid and brought my thoughts to her--b12, soy, iodine, etc. She tells me that she thinks I may have a hereditary thyroid condition. She compared it to Type 1 diabetes. They are predisposed to get it, and then something triggers it at some point, and they get it. Well, given all that I've gone through in the last year, she thinks I may have triggered it, and now it's causing all these problems. It's not like I ate something or didn't eat something or that anyone can point to anything specific as a trigger. She stated that it's likely cleared up by taking a stronger synthetic hormone every day for the rest of my life. I meet with her next week to go over the blood test results, and I really hope that her guess is confirmed. That might sound weird, but I'll taken anything at this point if it'll fix all the weird things that have been happening.

I'll keep you posted! Thanks for past, present, and future prayers!!!

Ps. I also wanted to say that I called my Dr. back in Atlanta (who I'd gone to for like 3 years) to talk over with her all that's going on. I just wanted someone's opinion who knew me for more than 20 seconds before giving their opinion. She knows my history and is wonderful. (Here's a HUGE plug for Dr. Vetter at Crawford/Long in midtown) She talked on the phone with me for a really long time and heard out all the symptoms I've been having and all the tests they've done, and what the latest 'guess' is. She agreed with the Endocrinologist and also told me that several people in her family have it, including her mom who's lived to be 70+, so that made me feel a lot better. Thanks Dr. Vetter!