Pregnancy Comments: Helpful vs. Not Helpful

I've had more pregnancy comments than should fill anyone's lifetime. (I got them last pregnancy too, so I'm somewhat combining the two.) I'm writing this post to help people understand the difference between Helpful and Not Helpful comments. It seems these things should be obvious, but given the frequency with which I hear (and heard) rude things, I figured I might as well do a little "Reflecting" (or, as my friend Sarah calls it: "Ranting") about it here. (And if I'm being honest with y'all, I'm really just ranting to get these off my chest and looking for some sympathy.)


Let's start with the less pleasant category: 

NOT HELPFUL

1) Last pregnancy, at about 5 months, I went to get fitted for a bra. (It had been a really long time, and things had changed a lot and I needed something that fit those changes.) I went to a very popular store, which had always been my bra store of choice (until this incident, that is), and had the following conversation with the lady fitting me:

Lady: So, when are you due?
Me: October. (Those who know me best can understand the period at the end of my one-word sentence. For everyone else, it's my way of telling you that I would like the conversation to be finished.)
Lady: OH! It must be twins, then!
Me: No. Not twins.
Lady: Are you sure? I mean, have they checked!?
Me: Yes, they've checked! I'm just fat, I guess. (said while looking her square in the face)
~~~silence~~~
I buy the bra and leave.


2) For weeks following the accident, I was unable to go grocery shopping by myself because the pain in my chest was so strong. I literally could not even imagine hefting things into the cart (Austin included) and then into/out of the car. So, we began making a family event out of grocery shopping, spending one night a week, post-dinner at the grocery store. I was grabbing one last thing and meeting Seth at the checkout when the following conversation took place with the checkout lady:

(Upon seeing me walk up to the cart and begin talking to Austin--I had set the item down on the belt and walked right past her to the end of the line/bagging area to talk to Austin and reconnect with Seth. I had not even made eye contact with this woman when she began the following conversation.)

Lady: You're pregnant!?!? ~pause~ AGAIN!?!? (I kid you not that this is how she said it!)
Me: Um, (looking down at the belly) yup! (Looking immediately back to Austin and getting so up-in-his face that I felt it pretty darn obvious I was closing the conversation. And Seth, my dear sweet husband, went into overdrive with bagging the groceries. It was a holy-cow-I'd-better-get-us-out-of-here-quick grocery bagging if I've ever seen one!)
Lady: Do you know what you're having? 
Seth (because I'm still trying to ignore her and he's trying to smooth the waves and get us the heck out of there): Boy.
Lady: Oh man! I'm so sorry. You must be SO disappointed that you're having another boy!
(meanwhile Seth is bagging the heck out of the groceries)
Me: Just reason to try for 3, I guess! (as I give her a bit of a glare)
(he pays, we load up the last bag and we leave, walking about as fast as possible, cutting off further conversation)

When we get outside, I notice Seth's refusing to make eye contact. I laugh and ask him why. He pauses before saying he thought I was upset. With HIM! I probably said some cuss word about the checkout lady but followed it with that I wasn't the least upset by him, but couldn't believe the nerve of that lady. A checkout lady whom I don't even remember seeing/using before in my entire life just implied that I should not be pregnant again this quickly and that having two sons is somehow a bad thing! Unbelievable.


3) I don't have a great story to go along with these other Not Helpful things, but I figured a general list couldn't hurt:
"You're HUGE." --because I didn't already know that!? Who is carrying this belly around... You or Me?
"You must be almost done, huh!?" --just because I'm big doesn't mean the baby is due any minute. People have said this from like month 5 and always feel like idiots when I tell them a due date so far away. At least, I hope they feel like idiots. They should.
"Must gonna be a big baby!" --Austin was under 7 lbs, so the likelihood of this being some record-setting sized baby is highly unlikely. I'm. Just. Big. Get over it!


4) This happened yesterday at the clinic where Austin's pediatrician is, and my PCP, etc. I am sitting in the waiting room, minding my own business, trying to entertain a sick toddler when this lady walks by and has the following conversation "with" me:

Lady: Whew! When are you due?
Me: (I pointedly look at my belly before responding) 10-11-12. (Again with the period.)
Lady: My goodness! I mean, I came around the corner and saw you and was like HOLY COW!!
Me: (I laugh. AT her. But she doesn't seem to get that. Conversation over.)

Why the heck someone would think that saying that would be helpful/kind/polite/soothing/something is BEYOND me. I don't get it. Keep your lips shut, ladies and gentlemen. But, having written that just now, I realize I've never once had anything rude said to me by a guy. Always ladies! Hmmmm...


Onto the better category: 

HELPFUL

1) So I'm in the clinic yesterday with Austin (who just has a cold and then got a flu shot while we were there), and he's running from the room like a caged animal. I mean, they have door handles that are like levers that you pull down on, and he's quickly figured this one out and takes off running before I can even take a step his direction (this belly is seriously getting in the way of my toddler chasing!). Anyways, so he's done this a number of times, when he goes running down the hall, around a corner and straight toward his Dr. (We were seeing the PA as his doctor didn't have Same Day Availability when I called to make the appointment.) I was like 30 feet behind him.

I come waddling around the corner and Dr. McColm (bless his heart!) has the following exchange with us:

Dr: Oh! I thought I recognized that kiddo.
Me: Sorry, he's just too fast for me right now (apologizing for why my toddler was running the halls with, previous-to-my-turning-the-corner apparently, no supervision)
Dr: No worries! When's The Date, again?
Me: 10-11-12... We'll be seeing a lot of you in October! (And then I sigh out of pure exhaustion.)
Dr: Well, You Can Do It! (It was like a You've Got This! statement. It felt SO good. ~and then~) Come here, Austin. (picks him up from where he's rolling around on the floor, under the countertop and has since dropped his flavored tongue depressor that he loves... he just SCOOPS him up. Dr. McColm is pretty much, from what I've gathered, Seth's age. And about his build, so it was like nothing to him to scoop him up for me. And then he tosses the old tongue depressor in the garbage and gives him a new one.) Here's a new flavor stick for you. You be nice to your Momma, now, ok!? (He hands him back to me and we part ways. I'm chocking back tears as I carry Austin back to the room, where we have to wait for the flu shot.)

I'm crying as I'm writing/reading this because the kindness in his gesture is overwhelming. I mean, I'm sitting here, 24 hours later, sobbing at my computer because of a passing remark and gesture (the physically picking Austin up part) that his Dr. made! Literally sobbing. His this-will-end-soon/you-can-do-this/i-have-faith-in-you attitude/comment was so uplifting, I could barely contain myself. (And yes, pregnancy hormones ARE in full effect, but I'm a crier anyways, so I doubt it can be solely blamed on those.)

And then I'm thinking about all the schmucks who've seen me struggle with belly and toddler (and purse or purchases or car keys or door or whatever) and made some jerky comment about how huge I am or how ready I must be or how it certainly must gonna be a big baby. Dude. Comments like those are SO Not Helpful. That and the fact that you are literally not helping me at that moment makes me want to punch you in the face. Or something.


2) A friend of mine called me completely out of the blue one day and we had the following conversation:

Friend: Hey. Are you home?
Me: Yes...
Friend: Good, because I just accidentally bought too many Sprinkles cupcakes and was wondering if I could bring you one.
Me: Um, do these said cupcakes involve chocolate?
Friend: Yes...
Me: Then Yes, I'd be happy to take one off your hands!
Friend: Good, because I just exited Forest. Be there in a minute!

The best part of this story is that I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day that day and she had no idea. I mean, she hadn't known I was having a bad day until she showed up at my door with a cupcake and I started venting. She didn't do it because she knew that day was worse than most, she did it because she's just that awesome! I LOVE friends like that! And she didn't stay long (her baby was asleep in her car)--we just chatted on the porch for a minute and she was off again. While standing there, I tell her that it was awesome of her and that it couldn't have happened on any better day because that day sucked, etc. And she goes on to tell me that she remembered having one of those during pregnancy and that it all began because she "... realized it was November. Nothing important about November, I just realized it was November and couldn't stop crying." So knowing that my crying because each and every little thing seemed to go wrong for me that day wasn't completely ridiculous and I wasn't alone in experiencing things like that was so uplifting.


3) I can't remember the details about the following comments either, but there's been a few (VERY few) times when people have said something like the following:
"Oh, I carried big with each of my pregnancies too. Don't let people get you down about it."
"It ends. I promise it ends." 
"He'll be out soon."
"You look great!"
Or even just done generally-nice things like getting the door for me or grab Austin as he goes tearing off down the aisle/street/sidewalk/etc. Kind and helpful comments as well as kind and helpful gestures seriously can make or break my day at this point.


Anyways, rant over. Most people reading this wouldn't think to make any of those Not Helpful comments--to me or anyone else. But please, I beg you, think through what you're about to say before you say it--with pregnant ladies and with anyone! Plus, if you see a lady struggling with a toddler and a belly, consider helping her with the door/cart/something or simply offering a smile. It DOES make a difference, I promise!

the Before and the After (the hall closet gets an overhaul!)

A HUGE Thank You to our neighbors Sean and Sheala Smith for watching Austin Sunday evening for an hour so that Seth and I could turn this:

into this:

We just simply could not have accomplished this with Austin home. Pulling everything out, cleaning, sorting, purging, etc and our toddler would have been WAY too "underfoot." And we couldn't do it during nap time since this closet is directly across from where he sleeps (plus we needed that room's space to spread out in). So THANK YOU Sean and Sheala!!

Sprinkler Fun!

The weather has cooled enough that we can actually spend time together outside in the early mornings and evenings, after dinner. After swinging, sliding, and kicking/throwing balls around, Seth decided to turn on the sprinkler. (There's something wrong with the sprinkler system that covers the backyard, so we are currently using this one which connects to a hose and does most of the entire backyard.) I ran for the camera because this moment HAD to be captured!

Look at those Big Blues!!! (Austin got this Cowboys football from Aunt Rory. She said they didn't have any Packers ones. ;-)

Some might be wondering why I included this shot of him running away. So I'll tell you... I wanted you to see the water marks on his clothes.

Run.ning. (meant to sound a bit Forrest Gump-ish which is about how Austin runs... pre-Forrest's leg braces coming off)

It's dark and he's far away, but there's no missing that smile!

Thoroughly soaked by this point.

And yet VERY happy. Isn't he cute!?

His body and clothes were soaked, so Seth stripped him down outside and carried him right to the tub for a warm bath.

He's picking grass clippings off his feet.

And here's the best part... I got some of it on video!

The Indoctrination Has Begun!

Our neighbors two doors down are also an Aggie Family. This past weekend, they put up an inflatable Reveille. We just had to get a picture of Austin with it! As soon as we got him dressed and outside, he took off running for it. But wouldn't get within 3 feet of him, even after being carried and set there. He immediately began walking away. It was too cute and super funny!

He looks good in maroon! (And I think he knows it!!!)

His usage of his pointer finger is fairly new and very frequent these days!

Chihuly at the Dallas Arboretum

I bought a Groupon for half price admission to the Chihuly installation at the Dallas Arboretum a couple months ago, and the weather finally decided to get cool enough that we could go. And while Chihuly is always a sight to see, I wasn't as impressed with this exhibit as I have been in the past. Perhaps it was the squirmy toddler we had in tow. Perhaps it was the fact that I'm 9 months pregnant. Perhaps it was because I've seen Chihuly so many times before. Perhaps it was the excruciating pain that set in after only being there an hour. Overall I am glad we went, but wish we could have been a better experience.

The ends looked like tree frog fingers.

We got him out of the stroller and he went RUNNING!

"Ball! Ball! Ball!"

Austin's 1st Day of "School" 2012-13

As most people reading this know, Austin was in a Mother's Day Out program all of last year, attending every Thursday, 9-2. As it happened, they were doing enrollment for the 2012-13 year right when Seth got laid off last winter, so we didn't automatically re-enroll him there because we didn't know what our situation would be.

In holding off, though, we actually found a new place to send him that is closer to our house AND cheaper (Thanks Sheala for finding it for us!). He still attends just one day a week--Thursdays, and is there from 9am-2pm. It's technically called a Children's Day Out program, but around here we simply call it "School." ("School" is much faster and easier to say than "Children's Day Out" or even "CDO". Plus, it gets him into the idea of going somewhere to be instructed by someone non-parent and all that it involves--eating with someone else, doing crafts with someone else, learning taught with a bunch of other kids around, learning to socialize without parental help, etc.)

He's already had his first day and seemed to love it! He did some art, took a nap on his cot (I'm hoping that helps the toddler bed transition due to occur soon), and even came home with a fundraiser form. Pecans, anyone? ;-)

I LOVE this new hands-on-knees pose-with-smile he has acquired.

He looks like such a Big Boy walking in with his backpack on!

OH my! This melts my Momma Heart! Walking into school carrying his lunch and backpack!? Sigh.

I should have gotten one of him actually walking into his classroom and with his teachers, but the moment took me over and I forgot all about the camera in my hand!

2nd Bday, celebration #1--The Houston side

I LOVE birthdays. And it seems I married into the right family because we celebrate birthdays all the time around here! Here are some pictures from Austin's first 2nd Birthday Celebration (aka Houston side). Thanks to Spencer/Cheryl, Grandma, Rory, and Nonnie/Gramps for the awesome gifts!

The paper begins to fly!

 

The gift was a set of golf CLUBS, but he, of course, only cared about the golf BALLS!

I made a comment to Rory that she could give Packers stuff too, and she immediately replied that the store hadn't had any. It was awesome to know she'd checked!

Please notice how he is not about to let go of those balls in order to keep opening presents.

Thanks, Nonnie and Gramps, for my trike!!

He's still a little too short for it....

but he loved getting pushed around!

Or pulled around...

(I hate his red eye here, but couldn't get it to remove entirely.)

All his 'haul'... from the first celebration, anyways.

And here's a video of one of his first tries at golf. This is after he'd already tried several times. I was laughing too hard to get the first couple tries on video. But you can get the gist of how it went from watching this one (it was very much a protect-your-sensitive-parts-near-the-baby-swinging-a-golf-club situation). OMGosh. TOO funny!!!