Marcone's Christmas Gift

I haven't spent nearly enough time blogging about Marcone! And since I'm getting the chance to sit down and get caught up on some posts that have thus far just been spinning around in my head, now's the time! 

We began sponsoring him through World Vision last October, when he and Austin turned 1 (they share the exact same birthdate). He lives in Brazil, and I love writing to him (his mother, really) and coming up with creative (and flat!) things to send in an envelope. I LOVE it. I hope that Austin will come to enjoy it as well and develop a pen-pal-like relationship with him. As someone who's had a pen-pal since 5th grade (a girl from PA--NOT a child-in-need from a foreign country), I think it can be so rewarding to have that relationship. (Mindy even came to visit sometime when I was pregnant with Austin, helped my shop for my recliner, and gave us an amazing gift. I love having her in my life!)

Around Christmas, we decided we wanted to do something more for him than send letters, drawings, and a few photos of us. World Vision has this program where you can send a one-time gift (of at least $75), and they will help the family determine how best to use that money. Once they are done shopping with the family, they take pictures and send them to you. I was SO excited to see these pictures, not only to see what they bought with our money, but to see more pictures of him. I LOVE that he's such a smiley kid! Reminds me of someone else I know... ;-)

The letter says that they bought "food, meat, cookies, yogurt, diapers, perfume, beautiful clothes, a pair of shorts and a shirt for the weekend."

I know the quality of the picture isn't great, but you can definitely tell there's a huge smile there. Isn't he cute?!?

Feeding into Friendships... The WHY. Part 2

I recently wrote a post about Feeding into Friendships. It explained the basis for why I plan on intentionally valuing (by feeding into) friendships in 2012. The feedback to that post got me thinking even more about friendships. Here is part of what I commented in response to the comments made:

"I forgot to add to this post that another important piece to me going forward is honesty. If you ask me for a favor, and it's going to cause me to go out of my way in some regard, I want to be able to tell you that. (AND I want you to be completely honest with me in reverse circumstances!) And then I'll go about doing said favor with a joyful and willing heart. Just because I'm being honest about how it might or might not impact me/my plans/my whatever doesn't mean I don't want to do it. The favors I hope to get asked are like that. Isn't that what a favor is? Asking someone to go out of their way for you? Otherwise it wouldn't be considered a favor, right? And the friendships I'm hoping to intentionally feed into are those that require complete honesty and openness. Nothing hidden around here. If there is, then we're back to being companions. Which is perfectly fine, but is a completely different level of relationship in my mind."

And then I went to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) that week, and while doing the study, a lady in my group made a point that I thought fit perfectly in with this--the aspect about helping friends. And so here is the Part 2 to my feeding into friendships in 2012.

We were studying Acts 20 and 21, and in response to 20:35 specifically, the conversation really got flowing. Acts 20:35 reads "It is more blessed to give than to receive." The homework asked this question: "How could you begin to practice this principle in your home, school, business, or church?" 

One lady (whose husband is currently fighting brain cancer) said that for her it came down to being a gracious receiver. The story she told went something like this: Friends bring her family meals on a regular basis and she feels uncomfortable with the love these friends show her. She made a comment to one of the meal-bringers about her uneasiness. The friend asked in reply if she had ever taken anyone a meal. Yes. Well, the friend said, didn't it make you feel good to help out? Yes. Well, then, the friend responded, "Allow me the blessing of giving, ok?" 

The lady in my group said it's taught her a lot about the sin of pride versus being a gracious receiver. That stopped me in my tracks. Not allowing people to help me might be a sin!? Woah. I had never thought of it that way! It seems like our culture highly values the Do It Yourself way of living, but what the Bible teaches is that we shouldn't always being doing it alone. It is better to give than receive. That means that you should give. But it also means you should receive from those who desire to give to you. Not allowing someone to help you (when you need it) is not only denying them the chance of being blessed (by God) by giving, but is also conveying pridefulness. It is unrealistic that you will never need the help of others in this lifetime, so pretending that you don't need help is also somewhat of a lie. It's a falsehood.

Now, I'm not suggesting you sit back on your butt and only allow others to do for you when you can do for yourself. But there is a time and place for being helped. And the proper response (thanks to Emily Post, I know this one! ;-) is to say "Thank You." That's it. It's not difficult. You could add something like "I'd love to return the blessing sometime. Let me know how I can do that." if you want to. But to say "You shouldn't have" or "Please don't" or in some way state that you are wishing that they didn't help you is going back to the lady's point. You are being prideful. Who are you to say you're too good to get help? Plus, we as Christians are each commanded to help others. You want to disagree with His commands? I thought not.

I personally know people who fall into both of the extreme categories: people who only help others and don't let people help them (even though they could sometimes genuinely use it) and people who only receive help even though they could offer it in return (at least on occasion). The trick, it seems, is to be somewhere in the middle. Giving when you're able and receiving when you need it. Life has seasons, and if your life is anything like mine, you'll have seasons of giving and seasons of receiving. That ebb and flow is why I believe friendships to be so important. I know that during my seasons of needing, there will be people there to give. And when I'm in a season of being able to give, I will feel the incredible blessing of being able to help them out during their season of needing.

A close friend, who knows that I'm spending a lot of time thinking about friendships recently sent me a devotional that contained the following:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34 (NIV)

The text message read: "I don’t care how busy you are, Suzie. Put me on your calendar. You need me."
Sometimes friendship gets last place in my life. My parents need me more than they once did. I have children and grandchildren in three states. I juggle ministry, relationships, and real life.
But my friend is right. I need her.
I love it when we get together over lunch. We laugh. We catch up with each other’s life. Often, we find ourselves talking about God. We dig deep, asking questions, praying and encouraging each other.
So why do I let this really great friendship slide to last place?
In John 13, Jesus commands the disciples to love each other. Jesus didn’t drop commandments lightly. There are only a few, rare instances in Scripture, but you see, He knew something they did not. They needed each other. One day soon He would return to Heaven. Though His love would always be with them, His physical presence would not. And hard times were ahead.
Persecution.  Suffering.  Mistreatment.
But it went even deeper than that. “As I have loved you, so you must love one another,” He said. What did that look like?
When Peter denied he ever knew Jesus as his beloved Savior, he stumbled from the scene weeping. Can you imagine how he felt?
To love Peter “as Jesus did” meant that his friends wouldn’t give up on him. They would remind him of Jesus’ love and forgiveness. They would point him toward redemption and grace.
C. S. Lewis, author and professor, said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”
We were never intended to live our faith in isolation. God and girlfriends are not just fun. They are needed. In good times. In hard times. When we are living with purpose. When we falter.
I have made myself a promise today. I will work on this gift called friendship. I won’t allow a week or a month to go by without a lunch date, or at the minimum a conversation. In fact, I just texted my friend: I don’t care how busy I am, friend. Let’s make a date. I need you.

So, friends, you know who you are. I need you. You need me. But can we be honest with one another about that need and not come across to one another as being prideful? Yes, I think we can. In fact, I'm going to expect it going forward. Let's simply be honest, gracious receivers that need one another. Because, to C.S. Lewis' point, life isn't worth living without friendships.

Small Group: SERVICE; Sole Hope, January 2012

Our Small Group has decided to use the 5th week of the month (the ones that have a 5th week, anyways), and spend it doing service projects. We will meet at our normally-scheduled time, with kids, and spend that 2 hour block of time doing something for others. Our first Small Group: SERVICE was Sunday, January 29th, 2012. 

Although 2 couples were unable to attend that night, we had a great time working together, and I think we all collectively agree that doing a service night like this is a good idea. There are the logistical challenges that having this many people (and especially this many children) pose, but we had plenty of workers while three of us decided to watch kids.

While we don't intend to do this particular service project each time, Sole Hope worked well for us this go-round. The short of the project is this: You pay Sole Hope to send you a kit with instructions/patterns and you acquire the denim, material, scissors, baggies, etc. You host a "party" to cut and assemble parts of shoes, and ship the raw materials back to Sole Hope. Then Sole Hope sends them to Africa, to be sewn by locals. The shoes are then bought back by Sole Hope from these workers, and then given to children in need of footwear.

WE MADE 17 PAIRS OF SHOES. Yes, PAIRS. Isn't that cool!?!?

So, the cost of the project can vary, but here's what we paid:

-$10 for the Shoe Kit (from Sole Hope with instructions and patterns)

-$0 for two pairs of donated jeans

-$8 for two yards of fabric (bought at 50% off the clearance price at Joanne's--used for the inside of the shoes)

-$12.99 for a pair of pinking sheers (we needed more than one, and couldn't find more to borrow)

-$0 for scissors, one pinking sheers, Sharpies, safety pins, baggies, etc that we already had amongst the group

-$170 to sponsor each pair of shoes ($10/pair) that we made (that's the money Sole Hope uses to buy the shoes from the workers which they then donate to the children)

Seth's mom found these men's size 52 jeans at the resale store and donated them to the cause. (Doesn't he look good having lost all that weight!? ;-)

Thanks to a friend in our Sunday school class, we actually had 2 pairs of jeans.

the table all ready for the workers to arrive

the 'organizer' section (that's the sample they sent us as an example--part of what we got in the $10 kit)

Prior to the group arriving, Seth and I cut both pairs of jeans into usable pieces. Ripping seams where needed, cutting the legs apart, etc. We also had to cut the pattern out of the pages they came on. The other fabric you see is what we bought at Joanne's for $8.

What it looks like when you've traced pattern pieces on to the denim. (and labeled them... these pieces are all size 6)

At the far end, we had our tracers who then passed to either side of the table for cutting, down to me to organize the pieces, and cut a piece of plastic out of the milk jugs you see in the front left of the photo. Each pair has to be pinned together and labeled, hence the safety pins and sharpies and baggies.

Cesar, cutting the interior fabric.

Our tracers doing a GREAT job of getting everything as close together as possible.

Sean, also cutting the interior fabric.

Sam, cutting some denim.

The Lopez Family.

The Russ/Roberts Family. (And the babysitting dads in the background.)

2/3 of the Alisentono Family.

2/3 of the Rasoi Family.

2/3 of the Spofford Family.

A completed pair of shoes, ready to be shipped.

5/6 of the Spofford Small Group after a night of working hard. Plus Georgia Mae. ;-)

A HUGE Thank You to everyone who helped us with this project!!! To my MIL, Kim Spofford, who lent us pinking sheers and donated a very large pair of jeans. To Rob Nickell for giving our small group a pair of unwanted jeans. To everyone in our Small Group who attended our first Service Night, either patiently watching children, or having worked their fingers raw cutting and tracing the material. To Christina Childress for the idea in the first place.

Feeding into Friendships... The WHY.

The following blog post is taken from several sources, some of whom aren't Sena Spofford, but who can get the point across much better than I can.

First up: Mark Crumpler; Peachtree Presbyterian Church, Atlanta, GA.

"'And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David . . . and even his sword and his bow and belt (1 Samuel 18:4 ).'

There is a powerful moment in the forging of friendship between David and Jonathan. We are told that the soul of Jonathan was 'knit' to the soul of David. That's very nice language - but we don't really know what that looks like. We can't see souls being 'knit.'

But the storyteller goes on to describe something we can see. Jonathan gave his robe to David, and then he gave him his sword. If we back up into the story to 1 Samuel 13 we learn that no one in Israel had a sword except Saul and Jonathan. When the typical Israelite was called to battle he went to his tool shed, wrenched the blade from his plow or found his axe. There were no blacksmiths in Israel. The Philistines had a monopoly on the iron market, specifically to deprive the Israelites of good weapons for war (1 Sam. 13:19-22 ).

When Jonathan gave David his sword it was much more than a mere gesture. Maybe Jonathan had more than one sword. We don't know. What we do know is that among the Israelites, swords were very rare. Only the King and his son had one. And when Jonathan gave his away, he made himself profoundly vulnerable to David.

Friendship grows best in the soil of trust and vulnerability. Friendship by definition calls us to entrust ourselves to someone else. We commonly speak of this as "opening up." We experience that vulnerability by what we share - a piece of our story, an honest opinion. We don't literally hand over our sword, but we feel like we've given away something that could come back to hurt us. And the truth, is we probably have. But apart from trust and vulnerability we have acquaintances, not friends."

Next up:Dr. John Townsend, "How to be a Best Friend Forever"

"In these situation, friends are more like what I would call "companions." That is, they are people you are close to, but the purpose of the relationship is more about going through life with someone, floating down the river in a connected state. There is a true closeness here and a lot of good exists in that attachment. But what is missing is that companions don't really impact our lives; they are on the periphery of it. They may be a sounding board and someone to talk with about what's going on at home and at work, but there is no real "ask" or "give" involved. They are not central to the decisions and choices we make in life."

Lastly:

One of my goals for this year is to feed into friendships. Intentionally. Those that I consider 'Friends' rather than, to borrow a term, 'Companions.' Life has plenty of companions, and that is fine, but I'm interested in feeding into those who do impact my life. Who do ask things of me and of whom I ask. And not in a tit for tat way. I want to ask and know that though it might be a hindrance/bother/something to that person, that they will do it with a glad and willing heart because they know I'd do the same. I don't want to worry that they're keeping score of how many favors I've racked up.

I feel like 2010 was the Year of Being Pregnant. A surprise that took many, many months for me to come to grips with. And then 2011 was the Year of Becoming a Mom. A transition that took its toll on me in myriad ways, some different, and some the same as in 2010. And now that I'm in 2012, I finally feel like I can come out of the cave I've been living in. I'm ready to give of myself to my friends. I hate how much 'taking' I've been doing over the past several years, and this goal is a goal of righting that. For my friends. For those that have been giving to me over the years without so much as a hint to the tally of favors. You know who you are. There's a sword coming your way. Be ready for it! :-)

2012 Goals

If you read this post, you know that in our house, we make New Year's Goals, not Resolutions.

Well, as is true most years, I have a lot of goals this year. We have a lot of goals this year. But this post is primarily about my goals. The ones I have set for myself specifically. Some of which might involve Seth, but many of which do not. 

Here's my list:

-feed into my friendships in intentional, overt ways

-make Small Group (the group as a whole and the members as individuals) a priority above most else

-go on a Girl's Getaway weekend with the bestest BFF ever-in-the-world

-get pregnant

-spend more 1:1 time with Georgia at the park

-buy a new laptop
-finish reading through the Bible (I'm doing a year plan, having started in December)
-figure out what's up with mine and Austin's digestive systems

There are more. Many more. But only these will be shared in this setting.

Do you have Goals for 2012? Do you mind sharing one (or more) with me? I'd love to learn what's important in your life right now. And hey, maybe I'll like it so well, it'll give me an idea to add to my list!