Feeding into Friendships... The WHY.

The following blog post is taken from several sources, some of whom aren't Sena Spofford, but who can get the point across much better than I can.

First up: Mark Crumpler; Peachtree Presbyterian Church, Atlanta, GA.

"'And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David . . . and even his sword and his bow and belt (1 Samuel 18:4 ).'

There is a powerful moment in the forging of friendship between David and Jonathan. We are told that the soul of Jonathan was 'knit' to the soul of David. That's very nice language - but we don't really know what that looks like. We can't see souls being 'knit.'

But the storyteller goes on to describe something we can see. Jonathan gave his robe to David, and then he gave him his sword. If we back up into the story to 1 Samuel 13 we learn that no one in Israel had a sword except Saul and Jonathan. When the typical Israelite was called to battle he went to his tool shed, wrenched the blade from his plow or found his axe. There were no blacksmiths in Israel. The Philistines had a monopoly on the iron market, specifically to deprive the Israelites of good weapons for war (1 Sam. 13:19-22 ).

When Jonathan gave David his sword it was much more than a mere gesture. Maybe Jonathan had more than one sword. We don't know. What we do know is that among the Israelites, swords were very rare. Only the King and his son had one. And when Jonathan gave his away, he made himself profoundly vulnerable to David.

Friendship grows best in the soil of trust and vulnerability. Friendship by definition calls us to entrust ourselves to someone else. We commonly speak of this as "opening up." We experience that vulnerability by what we share - a piece of our story, an honest opinion. We don't literally hand over our sword, but we feel like we've given away something that could come back to hurt us. And the truth, is we probably have. But apart from trust and vulnerability we have acquaintances, not friends."

Next up:Dr. John Townsend, "How to be a Best Friend Forever"

"In these situation, friends are more like what I would call "companions." That is, they are people you are close to, but the purpose of the relationship is more about going through life with someone, floating down the river in a connected state. There is a true closeness here and a lot of good exists in that attachment. But what is missing is that companions don't really impact our lives; they are on the periphery of it. They may be a sounding board and someone to talk with about what's going on at home and at work, but there is no real "ask" or "give" involved. They are not central to the decisions and choices we make in life."

Lastly:

One of my goals for this year is to feed into friendships. Intentionally. Those that I consider 'Friends' rather than, to borrow a term, 'Companions.' Life has plenty of companions, and that is fine, but I'm interested in feeding into those who do impact my life. Who do ask things of me and of whom I ask. And not in a tit for tat way. I want to ask and know that though it might be a hindrance/bother/something to that person, that they will do it with a glad and willing heart because they know I'd do the same. I don't want to worry that they're keeping score of how many favors I've racked up.

I feel like 2010 was the Year of Being Pregnant. A surprise that took many, many months for me to come to grips with. And then 2011 was the Year of Becoming a Mom. A transition that took its toll on me in myriad ways, some different, and some the same as in 2010. And now that I'm in 2012, I finally feel like I can come out of the cave I've been living in. I'm ready to give of myself to my friends. I hate how much 'taking' I've been doing over the past several years, and this goal is a goal of righting that. For my friends. For those that have been giving to me over the years without so much as a hint to the tally of favors. You know who you are. There's a sword coming your way. Be ready for it! :-)