Feeding into Friendships... The WHY. Part 2

I recently wrote a post about Feeding into Friendships. It explained the basis for why I plan on intentionally valuing (by feeding into) friendships in 2012. The feedback to that post got me thinking even more about friendships. Here is part of what I commented in response to the comments made:

"I forgot to add to this post that another important piece to me going forward is honesty. If you ask me for a favor, and it's going to cause me to go out of my way in some regard, I want to be able to tell you that. (AND I want you to be completely honest with me in reverse circumstances!) And then I'll go about doing said favor with a joyful and willing heart. Just because I'm being honest about how it might or might not impact me/my plans/my whatever doesn't mean I don't want to do it. The favors I hope to get asked are like that. Isn't that what a favor is? Asking someone to go out of their way for you? Otherwise it wouldn't be considered a favor, right? And the friendships I'm hoping to intentionally feed into are those that require complete honesty and openness. Nothing hidden around here. If there is, then we're back to being companions. Which is perfectly fine, but is a completely different level of relationship in my mind."

And then I went to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) that week, and while doing the study, a lady in my group made a point that I thought fit perfectly in with this--the aspect about helping friends. And so here is the Part 2 to my feeding into friendships in 2012.

We were studying Acts 20 and 21, and in response to 20:35 specifically, the conversation really got flowing. Acts 20:35 reads "It is more blessed to give than to receive." The homework asked this question: "How could you begin to practice this principle in your home, school, business, or church?" 

One lady (whose husband is currently fighting brain cancer) said that for her it came down to being a gracious receiver. The story she told went something like this: Friends bring her family meals on a regular basis and she feels uncomfortable with the love these friends show her. She made a comment to one of the meal-bringers about her uneasiness. The friend asked in reply if she had ever taken anyone a meal. Yes. Well, the friend said, didn't it make you feel good to help out? Yes. Well, then, the friend responded, "Allow me the blessing of giving, ok?" 

The lady in my group said it's taught her a lot about the sin of pride versus being a gracious receiver. That stopped me in my tracks. Not allowing people to help me might be a sin!? Woah. I had never thought of it that way! It seems like our culture highly values the Do It Yourself way of living, but what the Bible teaches is that we shouldn't always being doing it alone. It is better to give than receive. That means that you should give. But it also means you should receive from those who desire to give to you. Not allowing someone to help you (when you need it) is not only denying them the chance of being blessed (by God) by giving, but is also conveying pridefulness. It is unrealistic that you will never need the help of others in this lifetime, so pretending that you don't need help is also somewhat of a lie. It's a falsehood.

Now, I'm not suggesting you sit back on your butt and only allow others to do for you when you can do for yourself. But there is a time and place for being helped. And the proper response (thanks to Emily Post, I know this one! ;-) is to say "Thank You." That's it. It's not difficult. You could add something like "I'd love to return the blessing sometime. Let me know how I can do that." if you want to. But to say "You shouldn't have" or "Please don't" or in some way state that you are wishing that they didn't help you is going back to the lady's point. You are being prideful. Who are you to say you're too good to get help? Plus, we as Christians are each commanded to help others. You want to disagree with His commands? I thought not.

I personally know people who fall into both of the extreme categories: people who only help others and don't let people help them (even though they could sometimes genuinely use it) and people who only receive help even though they could offer it in return (at least on occasion). The trick, it seems, is to be somewhere in the middle. Giving when you're able and receiving when you need it. Life has seasons, and if your life is anything like mine, you'll have seasons of giving and seasons of receiving. That ebb and flow is why I believe friendships to be so important. I know that during my seasons of needing, there will be people there to give. And when I'm in a season of being able to give, I will feel the incredible blessing of being able to help them out during their season of needing.

A close friend, who knows that I'm spending a lot of time thinking about friendships recently sent me a devotional that contained the following:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34 (NIV)

The text message read: "I don’t care how busy you are, Suzie. Put me on your calendar. You need me."
Sometimes friendship gets last place in my life. My parents need me more than they once did. I have children and grandchildren in three states. I juggle ministry, relationships, and real life.
But my friend is right. I need her.
I love it when we get together over lunch. We laugh. We catch up with each other’s life. Often, we find ourselves talking about God. We dig deep, asking questions, praying and encouraging each other.
So why do I let this really great friendship slide to last place?
In John 13, Jesus commands the disciples to love each other. Jesus didn’t drop commandments lightly. There are only a few, rare instances in Scripture, but you see, He knew something they did not. They needed each other. One day soon He would return to Heaven. Though His love would always be with them, His physical presence would not. And hard times were ahead.
Persecution.  Suffering.  Mistreatment.
But it went even deeper than that. “As I have loved you, so you must love one another,” He said. What did that look like?
When Peter denied he ever knew Jesus as his beloved Savior, he stumbled from the scene weeping. Can you imagine how he felt?
To love Peter “as Jesus did” meant that his friends wouldn’t give up on him. They would remind him of Jesus’ love and forgiveness. They would point him toward redemption and grace.
C. S. Lewis, author and professor, said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”
We were never intended to live our faith in isolation. God and girlfriends are not just fun. They are needed. In good times. In hard times. When we are living with purpose. When we falter.
I have made myself a promise today. I will work on this gift called friendship. I won’t allow a week or a month to go by without a lunch date, or at the minimum a conversation. In fact, I just texted my friend: I don’t care how busy I am, friend. Let’s make a date. I need you.

So, friends, you know who you are. I need you. You need me. But can we be honest with one another about that need and not come across to one another as being prideful? Yes, I think we can. In fact, I'm going to expect it going forward. Let's simply be honest, gracious receivers that need one another. Because, to C.S. Lewis' point, life isn't worth living without friendships.