Words for Me (or for Others)?

I heard this song on my way home from work yesterday. The words reminded me of so many. So many friends who are going through hard times right now. Lay offs/unemployment, selling houses, hostile work environments, missing family, living with friends/family, and the list goes on and on. I started crying at the rush of thoughts. I cried harder and harder as the song went on. Just thinking of one friend after another about whom I thought: "They need to hear this song!" Friends who need to know that God is with them and stronger than anything they're going through. And who need to know that I'm here to help whenever they need it.

And just as I was nearing my last turn, and the last verse, it hit me. "I know cause I've been there." While I had been thinking about sending it to friends who I thought needed to hear it, they would probably have thought the same thing about me if they'd heard the song a year ago. And the floodgates were so open now, that I had a hard time finding my driveway. If anyone could have used this song in the past 12+ months, people know it was S&S Spofford. And that humbled me. Here I was feeling others' pain and wanting to comfort them. And they had been comforting me only a short time ago. How ironic it felt to be the giver when so recently I could do nothing but receive.

So, I post this with the grace and humility and peace and thankful heart that one has knowing what they've been through in the last year. Some people are still in that 'year.' And for those people, I have one thing to say "This one's for you."

link to a video of them singing it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8UpaifPbqI

lyrics:
The Words I Would Say

Three in the morning, and I’m still awake
So I picked up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I’d say
If we were face to face

I’d tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths

CHORUS
Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

Last time we spoke you said you were hurting
And I felt your pain in my heart
I want to tell you that I keep on praying
That love will find you where you are

I know cause I’ve already been there
So please hear these simple truths

CHORUS

Say… from one simple life to another
I will say… come find peace in the Father

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here

Take your time and pray
And thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say

There's Been a Change in "Fall"

So, I think I have a new favorite season. Fall. I never used to like fall, though. Actually, I probably dreaded it the way you dread going to the dentist when you know you have a cavity. The expectation of what will soon occur might even turn your stomach. That's how I always felt about fall.

But now, I LOVE fall. I wait all summer for fall to get here. I count down the days until I can put up the fall wreath that I love so much. I wait anxiously to go buy my Thanksgiving centerpiece and start planning the table tags I'll make. I start burning pumpkin spice candles way before you probably should, but I just can't help myself. I daydream about corn mazes and hayrides and pumpkin patches. (Which makes me giggle right now thinking about the pumpkin Seth bought me for our step last year--the one that was about 2 inches high. He thought he was SO funny. And he was right.) And then I remember him taking me to the patch and getting to pick out our real pumpkin. I remember the corn maze trips with friends which always seemed to turn out fabulous pictures. And the restaurant we eat at beforehand that has the greasy, yummy, southern food. I remember the Thanksgivings spent with friends across our 'friend spectrum.' I remember watching football while laying in the sun that poured onto our couch through the window in the old house. I miss the GT games. And the GT tailgating parties. I miss hearing the whistle of intramural football on the SAC fields. I think about HAC retreats and miss working like that with students. Especially GT students.

Don't get me wrong, I like summer. I like our neighborhood pool. I like the smell of fresh-cut grass. I like the highlights my hair gets after being in the sun. But, none of these things seems to measure up to my fall loves.

I guess this is the difference between living in the north and living in the south, right!? I mean, here, summer is the season that's a little challenging to deal with, and up there, winter is the challenging season. As the attached picture can attest, it is COLD where I'm from. I 'borrowed' this picture from a friend of mine who posted it on his Facebook page. (Thanks, Scott!)

But then, this year, I find myself feeling a little sad about fall. I don't know any corn mazes around here. I don't know where the pumpkin patches are. I want some yummy, small-southern-town food and don't know where to get some. I want to cram as many of us in a car as possible to make the drive. I want the three engineers to put their heads together to help us figure out how to get out of the maze. I want to go to a haunted barn and hold the hands of my friends so hard that we leave imprints on each other. I want to take silly pictures in front of the corn and know that we'll all look great because we always do. I want to lay on my couch in the sun. I want to go on a HAC retreat. But, sadly, all these people are 800 miles away. There will be no engineers in the corn maze, no AM/M hay ride photo, no corn posing, no haunted barn while squeezing each others hands, no Thanksgivings with a random group of great friends, and no GT anything.

I guess I'll have to rely on my pumpkin spice candles, wreath, and my centerpiece to get me through this year. (Yes, I already bought my Thanksgiving centerpiece.) They'll have to get me through until I find new things about fall in Dallas that I enjoy. That's the hardest part about moving from a place you love. You have to find new things that you enjoy, and it seems like nothing can ever compare to your first love.

"Oh, Atlanta, I hear you calling, I'm coming back to you one fine day." Well, at least I hope so.

The temperature at a bank in my hometown in the middle of a WI winter. That's not with windchill, that's the real temperature.

We've Found the Missing Shirts?

I think I've found the culprit of our missing shirts...

So, if you've read my last note, you know that things have been disappearing around the Spofford house. Most recently it was about 5 of Seth's shirts. We couldn't find them anywhere. I went back to the cleaners and looked through the entire moving rack of clothes for shirts that looked like his. Seth went to the cleaners and looked through the whole rack as well. No shirts. We looked in every closet in our house. No shirts. We've been spring cleaning now for about a week (yes, I realize it's late summer, but the workers are finally done with the house, so we can get to cleaning). No shirts. I mean, we thought we were going crazy and then AM looked and couldn't find them either. I kept saying to Seth "I just cannot imagine that we've lost them in our house, maybe we should check the cleaners a fourth time."

Last week I took a sick day (a wise person told me that mental health was still health) and ran errands. I changed our phone numbers (you probably received an email update from us, but let me know if you didn't and need our new numbers). I bought new house numbers from Restoration Hardware (yay!). I got a mini load of groceries. I dropped off 5 or so shirts at the cleaners.

I went last night to drop off a load of shirts and pick up the ones from last week. She spins through the rack to the S section. No 'Spofford.' She gets out her notebook (yes, spiral bound notebook!) and finds where I've dropped them off last Thursday. There's a line crossed through them which is supposed to indicate to her that I've picked them up. I tell her I know for a 100% fact that I did not get them and that this is the second time I have suspicion she's lost our shirts. A guy comes in to get his order. He sees her spinning through the whole rack, looking for a misplaced 'Spofford' order, and turns to me and says "Have you had problems here before?" I say that I have suspicion she lost other shirts but couldn't prove it. He then tells me he's stopped using her because of so many problems. --He's gone home with shirts in his bundle that weren't his, she's lost shirts of his, etc. He says he only used her this time because it was a rush order. I keep my mouth from dropping open.She stops spinning the rack because she's finally made it the whole way through. She tells me to check at home again, and then acts like she's going to take the shirts I brought to drop off. I'm like "NO. No. no. I am NOT leaving shirts with you when I have reason to believe you've lost like 10 of our shirts! AND, we will NOT be coming back here." I put the shirts back in my basket and walk out the door.

I asked Seth, he says he didn't get them. I looked around and there is no bundle of home-from-the-cleaners shirts anywhere. So, between his ripping his sleeves in half, and this lady losing his shirts, he literally has like 5 shirts left!!! He took them to work today to try to take them somewhere on his lunch break and then can get them on his lunch break on Monday. He goes out of town again Tuesday am, so he has to have his full load of shirts clean for that. (Especially if he only has 5 now!) ARGH! I am so frustrated.

I'm more frustrated with myself, though, than the lady. See, the first time I went to this new cleaners (because we had moved into our new house), I felt uncomfortable. --I shouldn't have gone back. See, there's no computer system, she writes your name down on the slip (and doesn't always spell it correctly or seem to understand it correctly). She interacted with me strangely, and I was in a hurry to leave. I normally listen to this gut feeling of mine, but was too embarrassed to ask for the shirts back, so I left them. When I went the next day to get them, I pulled out my slip (you know, the piece they send home with you?) and she wouldn't even look at it. She explained that it's not good for anything because it means nothing to her "system." She asked for my last name and spun the rack to that section. I left with the shirts and an extremely uncomfortable feeling. I cannot name what made me feel that way, I just felt weird.

I told Seth that we needed to find a new place because I wasn't going back. Well, the only other place we've seen charges twice as much, so in our lack of having enough time to find another place, we went back. I went back the second time and my uncomfortableness was enhanced, and I told Seth that he would have to deal with his shirts until we find a new place. Well, that worked at first, but he works much longer hours than I do, so his doing this small task makes our time together at night more rushed, and so I took back the responsibility from him. And now I feel uncomfortable on a weekly basis AND we're 'down' like 10 shirts!?

I still feel uncomfortable every time I'm there. She weirds me out and I can't explain that. She's lost our shirts, and I can't explain that either. I stopped keeping the slips because they're useless as far as being tied to our order, and we've been so busy that I can't remember the details of the drop off--like how many shirts exactly, which shirts were dropped off, etc. All I know is that we're sorely lacking in shirts and I have no way to prove that she lost them!

So, I know that some of you are probably thinking "how can you possibly be THAT busy that you don't have time to find a new cleaners?!" People who know us really well know that it's possible, but for everyone else, I'll give you a little glimpse into what our live has been like:
-electricians for several days
-car in the shop because of an accident
-plumber for a couple days
-all-day family event
-register cars
-two carpenters for a couple days each
-friend in town
-order carpet
-order blinds, and take down old blinds to prepare for painters
-cut grass
-buy glasses (cups for the kitchen because we didn't have any--we left them in ATL)
-take down anything attached to the walls in prep for the painters
-painters for 4 days
-car in the shop for flat tire
-all-day family event
-friends in town
-change our phone numbers
-hang new blinds
-buy new house numbers
-spring clean the house because the workers are finally done and they've left a mess
-paint mailbox because it no longer matches the house
-have the DFD over to install smoke detectors and inspect the house
-much, much more!
I mean, we have had to squeeze in simple things like haircuts, laundry and groceries--and haven't been doing a very good job at that which has made this new diet regime of mine pretty hard at times!

It's truly been a whirlwind, and we're REALLY excited about this weekend because we should finally be done with the spring cleaning, and the other small tasks around the house. It'll seem like a vacation to only have to do routine house things like the grass and laundry. --The things people mean when the say "oh, the joy of homeownership" to us. I want to scream when I hear that. We have owned a house before, it's the fixer-upper-ness we aren't used to and are really ready to be done with. Well, for a little while... til we can afford to remodel the kitchen. :-)

We'll keep you updated on our new vacation life!

Lost and Found & Something Strange

There's something going on in our house... something strange. Seth had lost his SSC last week and he searched high and low for it. I mean, briefcase was emptied, every suitcase dug in, safe contents tore apart, our filing cabinet rifled through, misc.-yet-to-be-sorted papers from the house closing, and every other stack of papers he could find was torn apart. I looked for like 2 minutes and found it right where it was supposed to be. In our safe in his important documents envelope.

I have been looking since then for my SSC and my passport. Couldn't find them. Anywhere. Emailed Seth's mom thinking I left it at their house. Searched again in vain last night, and then Seth found them right where they were supposed to be. In the safe. In my envelope of important stuff. ugh.

How we both seemed unable to find the things belonging to us boggles my mind. The fact that they were both where they belonged is great. (After all this moving I thought we'd lost track of the two most important documents a person can have.) But, apparently we can't find anything of extreme importance that belongs to us individually.

Also, I was worried sick about my documentation because we're selecting our Ireland flights, and thought "Well, I don't want to have to get a new passport" and was desperate to find it. I was worried sick about my passport. Seriously, worried sick. BUT, then after Seth found it last night, he says "You know you need a new one anyways, right!?" Oh yeah... New name=new passport. Duh. (slap the forehead moment) Anyways...

The last strange thing is that we can't find some of Seth's shirts. I mean, he knows he's missing like 4 or 5 (based on how many shirts he knows he owns and the fact that there are shirts he remembers and that we currently can't find). They aren't at the cleaners. Not in any closet in the house. Not my car, not his car, not the Miata. I then emailed his mom to see if they ended up at their house or in one of their vehicles (and somehow we'd forgotten about them for three months!?). I'm laughing as I'm writing that because that seems crazy, but we've both searched everywhere, and can't find them.

Oh, and he's down another shirt as of yesterday and said he has two ready to 'go.' (You see, he rips a sleeve in a shirt at least once a month. It had been about 2 a week for a while, there.) I don't know what it is about DFW and his shirts. This never happened in the previous 4.5 years that I've known him! And, even though we were both standing at his closet this morning (and then mine), flipping through every piece of clothing on a hanger in there, I bet we go home tonight, and they're hanging right where they should be, in his shirt section.

So... Something strange is definitely happening in the Spofford household. Perhaps it's the extended inability to fully unpack (you see, the painters come next week which is the finale of house projects. Well, at least this round of house projects... more to come. MANY more to come. but those are post-fully-unpackedness). Maybe it's the fact that Seth's work travel schedule, my work travel schedule, his Muckrakers final concert attendance, our vacationing, my plethora of Dr. appointments, his birthday weekend, and our other family obligations has made it so that we haven't had a week capped by two weekends where we're both home and have the time to get ourselves organized. Or maybe it's that exactly 12 months prior to moving into this house, we were moving in our last house. Only to move out 6 months later. Or maybe it's that almost everything we owned was in storage from December to April. Who knows!?

One thing is for sure... I'm ready to find those shirts!

Medical News #3

Well... It's been several months since my last medical news update, but there's been lots of happenings in those months. Where to begin, where to begin...

So, in my last posting, I told everyone about how the meeting with the Endo. didn't go well, and that I was seeking other options. Well, after praying about it for a really long time, and asking advice of those closest to me, I came up with the correct-for-me solution. See an NMD. An NMD is a Naturopathic Medical Doctor. They have a medical degree, and focus on the natural, the whole person. This is exactly what I wanted. I had actually been wanting to be under the care of an NMD for several years, but this latest health 'crisis' had made the cost (as they are not able to bill insurance because America's health system doesn't recognize their worth--cuz they focus on preventative care, and not just putting band aids on symptoms. anyways...) worth it.

I did some researching, and found a local person who fit all the things I was looking for. I went for my first appointment about 4 weeks ago. I was thrilled to be going, and she was pretty much everything I was hoping for. Your first appointment is an hour long. An hour! I spent most of the time rambling on about all the symptoms I had and what the previous Dr.s had told me, etc. (I think I was so excited to have someone actually listening to my story that I talked rather fast.) She did some routine medical tests, and then we discussed a plan. She definitely wanted to follow up on my gluten and soy hunches, and she also thought that cortisol was probably playing a role. She sent me home with at-home tests--one for food sensitivity and an adrenal stress index.

(I'll tell you more about the tests if you really want to know, but essentially you do them at home and mail them in to the company and they send the results to your Dr.)

I went back last Friday, and the results were somewhat surprising to her and to me. First of all, the adrenal stress index was very revealing. It showed that my cortisol levels were CRAZY. They're super low during the day, and really high at night. This is the exact opposite of how they are supposed to be. She said "I don't know how you get out of bed in the morning" and "How well are you sleeping?" When I told her that I actually had been sleeping extremely poorly (which is abnormal for me), she was like, "well, yeah." (This would explain the extreme low energy and my newly acquired inability to stay asleep.) So, that's one priority on our list.

Next, the glucose/insulin/diabetes-related results were very normal, and she had expected them to be bad. If someone gains a significant amount of weight (for whatever reason--medial issue, medication, laziness, whatever), this is usually affected, I guess, but she was pleased that it wasn't much of a concern in my case. I was and am praising God for that because it's literally my worst fear.

The food panel. This was the test that I was most looking forward to getting the results from. It showed several interesting things, and only one was a really big surprise--soy came back as really low on the reactive scale. So... The results are like little bar graphs going horizontally, each food ranging on the scale from a 0 to a 6 (no reaction to extremely high). Of the probably 100 foods it tested me for, more than half cause more than mild reactions, with 11 standing out as most reactive. These foods are: asparagus, banana, cow's milk, kidney beans, oat, pecan, pork, spelt, wheat, whey, and whole wheat.

Dr. Wilson explained that in her opinion, this means that it isn't those foods per se that are causing the problem (given the fact that I'm reacting poorly to SO many, and that they aren't all really related to each other), but my stomach's inability to process hard-to-process food. Since she knows my whole story (from the first visit) she said "you've been under relatively high levels of stress for 10 years--7 years of college, moving states, getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, quitting your job, husband gets laid off, new job, selling house, moving states again, living with in-laws, buying a new house, new job, etc." I thought "well, when you string it all together like that I wonder myself how I've survived!" So, she thinks that my stomach is 'sick.' She thinks that the cortisol is messed up because of all the stress, and it has caused my stomach problems and thyroid problems, etc. Everything's connected.

Like, it just needs time to heal itself which it isn't allowed to do when I eat foods that make it unhappy. And that lately, the unhappy stomach has been affecting everything else--the headaches, sore muscles, etc. That it's been 'at capacity' and I need to give it a break. So, I have to give up those foods and take supplements for the next "4-6 months." I've decided to try to be good about it for the rest of 2009. Then, after that time has passed, we'll re-test, and her guess is that most of those foods won't be reactive anymore. If there is a food that is still reactive at that point, we'll know that I am just sensitive to that food because my stomach should be healed by then, and I will then avoid that food knowing that I'm sensitive to it.

That should bring about the healing of all the other things by then too. That is, if I heal my stomach so it can process foods well, and absorb nutrients like I'm supposed to be able to, then my cortisol can straighten itself as well as the thyroid, etc. She says I should lose weight too because the foods I'll be eating are ones that I can properly process which was a part of the weight gain. She also said that hypothyroidism and weight gain are like the chicken and the egg and can work in reverse. --Lose weight and it'll work normally again. I'm taking all sorts of supplements now--ranging from a high potency multivitamin to one to get the cortisol to shape up.

So, a new diet and the addition of supplements... This is much better than the diagnosis of having to take a synthetic hormone every day for the rest of my life. Since there isn't a genetic cause for the hypothyroidism, she's told me that come January, I can probably get off Synthroid. But, that all depends on the results of the re-test. Also based on the re-test results in January, I can probably start eating all foods again. But, that's only if they turn up as non-reactive next time, which Dr. Wilson thinks they will.

Pray for me as I approach this lifestyle change with open arms. Pray that the Holy Spirit will remind me that this is only a temporary inconvenience which will hopefully create permanent health. Pray for strength as I avoid some of my favorite foods. (I AM a Wisconsinite, after all, and I have to give up cow's milk!) Pray for yummy recipes of things I can eat and pray for understanding in those around me that may be affected by this change I've made. I know He lead me to this Dr., and I know He's in control of the situation. I ask only that I can keep listening and responding.

Thank you for your past and future prayers. It's been a long journey, but I can feel good health just at the end of my fingertips. :-)